After 3 months of traveling it finally happened. We had just turned off the lights and called it a night when it happened. My tears just started flowing uncontrollably with no warning or thoughts to explain why I was crying. Then it hit me, I was home sick.
People sometimes have this misconception that if you choose to travel you don’t have people that care about you back home or that you yourself don’t care about your loved ones, which is completely false. At least for me. I have family, and friends that love me and I love them unconditionally but I just want to explore this huge place that we call our world.
However, it’s times like this when I wish I was back home hanging out with family and friends. The upcoming holidays can do that to travelers, especially me. It will be my first time in my entire life that I will not be home in the kitchen helping my mommy cook and eating some good old home cooked Haitian food for Thanksgiving or sharing stories, laughter and unwrapping gifts on Christmas. I won’t be eating soup joumou on New Years or bringing in the new year with the people that are dear to my heart.
But I guess that this is the life I chose RIGHT? Missing out on not just the routine part of the rat race but also the opportunities to making memories with family and friends on holidays, birthdays, and special occasions. I guess, I agreed to miss out on all those.
And what sucks more is that it’s not just about me being home sick but knowing that my family will be extremely unhappy and sad about me not being there. I know this because though last year my mommy was having a hell of a time at Thanksgiving, she started crying because my brother wasn’t there. I don’t like the idea of me being the cause of other peoples pain especially my mother. How could anyone enjoy the holidays while traveling when they know that they are hurting someone with their absences. Without question, I will definitely be on my mother’s shit list for a while for not being home and my little sister is going to wonder why I’m not home, and questioning if the world is more important than she is. And I can’t blame her or my mommy.
I have no idea how am I going to survive the holidays ? But what I do know for sure is that when the holidays come, my feeling of homesickness will be amplified and I will be wishing and crying that I was in NYC at home in the dining room cutting the turkey or watching the ball drop.
Like I said, it’s moments like this where I wish I wasn’t traveling, I miss them like crazy. Words cannot express how sad I feel that they are not traveling with me or I am not home with them. But I know this is something I need to do. I need, want, love and enjoy traveling. I just wish I could travel and be home with them all at the same time.
Damn, when are they finally going to invent that teleport machine? I kinda of need it now to survive the holidays.
What did you do to survive your first holidays away from home ? Any tips you can share?